Husband Sends Wife Spreadsheet Of All The Times She’s Denied Him Sex

Is your wife, lover or girlfriend denying you sex? Not quite sure how to let her know about your need for immediate action? Well this charmer has the answer, and apparently it’s Microsoft Excel.

This man decided to put together a spreadsheet, to inform his wife of how many times she’d denied him sex over 7 weeks, whilst also documenting every excuse she gave him over that period of time. Our favorite of which was “‘I just came back from the gym, I feel gross’ (didn’t shower until next morning)” and “I’m too drunk and ate too much” because… well who can’t relate to that.

sex-frequency-spreadsheet

He then emailed the document to his wife, who proceeded to upload it onto Reddit (as you do) where it went viral in no time at all.

The wife, (also known by her Reddit pseudonym throwwwwaway29) posted: “My husband sent me an immature, inflammatory email as I was driving to the airport for a 10-day work trip. Now he has cut contact” followed by the attached Spreadsheet. She added: “According to his ‘document,’ we’ve only had sex 3 times in the last 7 weeks, out of 27 ‘attempts’ on his part.”

Well, if the figures are to be believed, Mr. throwwwwaway29 may have a little bit of a reason to be disgruntled. That being said, we think that when it comes to upping the passion and getting his wife into bed… the spreadsheet probably isn’t going to help.

So what can we learn from this? 1. After marriage you have an 89% sex failure rate 2. Watching “Friends” is an acceptable reason to bail out of sex 3. Don’t post about your sex life online, unless you want the whole world to see it.

Incidentally, the original post on Reddit seems to have now been locked.

As for the rest of us, we have to hope this little Excel fiasco doesn’t catch on and become the latest trend in getting wives, girlfriends and lovers the country over to drop the “I have a headache” excuse, in fear of being spreadsheet shamed.

The post Husband Sends Wife Spreadsheet Of All The Times She’s Denied Him Sex appeared first on Xclusive Touch.

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The 50 Shades Of Grey Trailer Is Finally Here. And It Is HOT.

The chances are, that even if you haven’t read 50 Shades of Grey you know what to expect from the movie trailer: sexual tension and a whole lot of hotness. Well the official movie trailer is here and true to form, it does not disappoint.

Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan star, and if you’re thinking “who and who” well get to know, because as of this moment they are the Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey. Sex Gods extraordinaire.

christian grey 50 shades whip trailer

As raunchy trailers go, there’s whips, orgasms, passionate elevator kissing and plenty of topless Jamie shots which is more than enough to make us want to pre-book our seats for the 14th February release.

Yes, the opening night coincides with Valentine’s day meaning even those who may be single and sexless on the day, will be only a cinema ticket away from a night of kinky passion. Even if it is vicariously through a fictional character on a large screen.

Though it seems, not everyone is as excited about the 50 Shades Of Grey trailer and it appears that some men are taking to Twitter to inquire as to what all the fuss is about. We kindly remind them that the cinematic release of 50 Shades Of Grey is sort of the female equivalent of a new Marvel trailer being released.

It’s kind of a big deal.

50 shades of grey official trailer release universal

Now as if the trailer alone wasn’t exciting enough, Beyonce’s exclusive version of ‘Crazy in Love’ which acts as the soundtrack to the trailer is enough to make us need to sit down and calm down.

We’re sure that even those who aren’t entirely drawn in by the first glimpse of the Red Room Of Pain and the super hot chemistry, will still be keenly awaiting the release, if for nothing more than another glimpse of Mr Dornan topless *swoon*.

The post The 50 Shades Of Grey Trailer Is Finally Here. And It Is HOT. appeared first on Xclusive Touch.

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