7 Facts About Your Mid-20s That Prove You’re Still A Mess

Don’t get me wrong; there are definite perks to being in your mid-20s.

Our shoe collections are definitely better than they were five years ago.

After years of using the wrong foundation color, we all finally look well-blended and contoured.

After dozens of incredibly drunken nights out, most of us have learned how to handle our alcohol.

Well, sort of, anyway.

Unfortunately, being in your mid-20s is not all high heels and lychee martinis.

Here are seven reasons why your mid-20s can be pretty sh*tty:

1. Hangovers are now a four-day affair.

You still want to drink like a 20-year-old, but you now have the hangover recovery rate of someone much older.

When you were 21, a cup of tea and six strips of bacon were all it took to fend off a hangover.

Now, a bottle of wine will send you into a two-day coma, followed by three days of looking like sh*t.


2. You actually have to go to the gym to stay thin.

There was a time when your “diet” involved having only two slices of pizza before a night out.

At the age of 21, your metabolism was that of an Olympic athlete (pretty damn fast), but in your mid-to-late-20s, a flat stomach requires some hard work.

Life is now all about food prep and smoothie bowls for breakfast.

You pretend to be all about that fitness life, but really, you miss the days when you could eat seven muffins in a row and still have a thigh gap.


3. You’ve been working for eight years, and have zero savings to show for it.

There is a chance you might live with your parents forever. They slightly resent you for this.

If you’re lucky enough to earn enough money for a mortgage, you’re still broke because your monthly wages go toward paying that off.


4. People keep saying things like you “only have four more years until you’re 30.”

As if you needed a reminder of your ever-declining youth.

The only thing you have on your side is a ton of moisturizer and the hope that you can be one of those 30-year-olds who still looks 24.


5. You’ve actually started worrying about the future.

When you’re in your early 20s, bad decisions don’t matter.

Nothing matters because you have plenty of time to figure it all out.

Now, you’re older and still just as unsure about everything.

Only this time, you’re closer to 30 than you are to 20, so the fact that your sh*t is still not together kind of freaks you out.

Incidentally, it has occurred to you that school and university might have taught you a lot of things, but how to deal with real life was not one of them.


6. When people ask, “How’s the love life going?” you want to die inside.

Your grandparents keep subtly mentioning how nice it would be to see your wedding day before they die.

You don’t have the heart to tell them that’s unlikely.

Every other person on your Facebook timeline is getting married or engaged, and you’re still trying to decide whether re-downloading Tinder for the fourth time is a good idea.


7. Your favorite mid-week drinking spot is in front of the TV.

There was a time when Thursday was the new Friday and Wednesday night was wine night.

Now, spontaneous mid-week drinks need to be booked three weeks in advance, just so you have enough time to mentally prepare for them.

Five years ago, a casual night out involved coming home drunk on tequila, wearing a hat you stole from a stranger at the bar.

Now, just the thought of tequila makes you want to crawl under a blanket and stay there.

Welcome to adulthood, my friend.

7 Facts About Your Mid-20s That Prove You’re Still A Mess

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The 8 D*ckheads Every Woman In Her 20’s Will Date

They say you have to kiss a few frogs before you actually meet prince charming, which in non Disney terms roughly translates to “you have to date a few twats before you meet Mr Right”.

For women, this tends to mean that your 20’s are filled with a lot of trial-and-error dating, which consists of one dead end relationship after another, until you finally meet someone who doesn’t make you want to turn to drinking and/or violence.

Until then, there is a whole array of d**kheads which we can work our way through, and let’s be honest, if you say you haven’t dated at least one of the following, you’d probably be lying:

The Fear Of Commitment Dude
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You know the one. This is the guy you date for a year who still won’t change his relationship status on Facebook, or so much as call you his girlfriend to his mates. He wants the perks of a relationship without the pressure of putting any sort of label on it. He doesn’t feel he has to text you every day, because he’s a “free spirit” and isn’t ready for all that serious stuff.

He will ultimately break up with you, because, despite the fact you’ve never so much as mentioned him meeting your parents, he’s inwardly paranoid that you’ve been organising your wedding since the moment you met.

The Patronizing 30 Year Old Dude
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Eventually, every 20 something girl will make the executive decision to date an older man. She’s worked her way through enough “boys” who don’t know how to treat her right and decided that she needs an older, more mature lover. Someone who can afford to take her on fabulous dates and isn’t afraid of discussing the future.

The trouble with “older” men is that you’re now considered the “immature” one in the relationship. They don’t understand why you need to go clubbing, wear short dresses or get drunk on Apple Sours and before you know it you’re the one deemed not serious enough.

The “I’m Not Ready For A Relationship” But Is Dating Someone Else 2 Weeks Later Dude

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There’s always one guy, who wants to “keep it casual” with you because of some half baked excuse or other. He’s just come out of a serious relationship or he’s focusing on his career right now (blah blah).

You date him because you’re fabulous and you’re sure that he’ll change his mind once he gets to know you. But, when true to form you fail to get him to commit you call it a day, usually on fairly good terms because lets face it, the boy already told you that he wasn’t ready for love.

It’s all fine. That is until one month later, you find out that Mr. I’m Not Ready is dating someone else.

The Overly Attached Dude
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Then there are the ones who want you a little bit too much.

I know how this sounds… one minute we’re moaning that men don’t want to settle down and the next minute we’re saying they’re too clingy. These poor fella’s just can’t win.

But any girl who has dated an “overly attached guy” knows exactly what I mean. You’ve been on two dates and he’s talking about the future, tries to introduce you to his mum and texts you every waking moment of the God damn day. He’s constantly telling you he misses you (even though he was with you 30 minutes ago) and despite the fact you don’t even know his surname yet, he’s acting like you are the love of his life.

The Can’t Kiss For S**t Dude
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It has been said that these creatures are the most deceptive of all, because on the outside they look just like me and you. Sexy, smart, clever, confident and witty. FINALLY a guy you can get on board with.

They drop you off at the end of your first date and lean in to make this good date even better.

Of course it’s only after he’s finished prodding your tonsils with his tongue that you work out how on earth this amazing catch is still single. At this point you ask yourself three questions: 1. Can I fix this 2. Is my lip bruised 3. I wonder if I change my number if he’ll get the hint.

The “I’m Not Like Other Guys” Dude
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Guys who claim they “aren’t like other guys” are the worst kind of guys. They are the ones who know they are d***heads and make a conscious effort to cover it up.

The Cheapskate Dude
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This is the classic “shall we go for a drive” guy. Because driving to McDonald’s for a milkshake and 6 nuggets is a hell of a lot cheaper than taking you to dinner.

If you agree to the drive you should know that date two will then be “do you want to come over for a movie” because why the hell should he pay £40 for cinema tickets and popcorn when he can download the damn thing for free and serve you those fancy chili crisps his mum brought last week.

The “Do You Really Need To Go Out With Your Friends” Dude
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The controlling guy. He’s always complaining about something or other because he likes to establish his dominance whenever and wherever possible. A dog wee’s on a tree to mark his territory. A controlling man pisses all over your parade to establish his.

Despite his other very wonderful qualities, eventually you know you’re going to ditch him, because frankly, no grown woman likes being told what to do. Except in the bedroom maybe.


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