5 Signs Your ‘Almost’ Relationship Won’t Turn Into Something Serious

When women begin dating men, they have certain expectations of where the relationships will go. I’m not talking about marriage, kids and a house with a white picket fence, but when the dating is good, we assume this will lead to some sort of relationship.

In some cases, we’re right. The dates turn into Sunday nights at home watching “Die Hard” and eating Chinese food in bed together, and you no longer have to worry about who’s going to text first and if you’re going to see each other again.

In other cases, the cute dates and endless hours of conversations turns into nothing, and we’re left wondering what the hell happened and where on Earth we went wrong. Here are five simple reasons why things didn’t work out:

1. You were just an “in the meantime” woman.

An “in the meantime” woman is someone you have sex with until someone better comes along. You’re not the one, but for all he knows, “the one” might not come along for another two years. So, he needs something to occupy himself with in the meantime.


2. Your novelty wore off.

The unknown can be an exciting prospect to many men. Women who aren’t emotionally serious tend to get very boring very quickly. After all, half the fun of dating is getting to know someone over time.

My advice? Hold some cards close to your chest. He doesn’t need to see the entire deck just yet. Men have natural hunter instincts, which means making yourself too emotionally available makes everything a little bit easy.

Half the fun of the kill is the hunt. In relationship terms, that means don’t put yourself on a plate.


3. There’s someone else.

If he’s not spending his time with you, there’s a chance he is spending it with someone else. No amount of Facebook stalking or Instagram scrolling for clues will help you here. If you haven’t made it to the “exclusivity” talk, then now might be the time to bring it up.

Don’t be angry or aggressive, and definitely don’t ask him over text. Every woman has the right to know if someone she is seeing is still dating other women. If he is, then maybe now might be the time to run.


4. You were a challenge that he completed.

Men who like a challenge see women like video games. There are different levels and different cheats and codes to unlock certain compartments (if you know what I mean).

The more challenging a video game is, the longer a man will spend playing it. If he completes it in a few hours, chances are, he’ll take it back to the shop and swap it for another, more exciting one.


5. He’s just not ready for a relationship.

All men want to settle down eventually. Some men crave relationships. Others have alternative priorities, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Unfortunately for you, until they’ve checked certain items off their life to-do list, you’re just another woman who came along at the wrong time. Even men who don’t want relationships need someone to pass the time with.

But eventually, a guy realizes that dating is pretty expensive, and wasting money on a woman he doesn’t see a future with is not financially viable. Plus, he’s noticed the way you look at him, and he’s pretty sure if he keeps this going, you’re going to get emotionally attached.

So, what do you do when a man pulls away? Absolutely nothing. I once read that “If people need space, you should give it to them. If you don’t, you’ll get closer to them, and they’ll grow away from you.”

Retaliation is futile. In fact, he’s probably expecting it. When a man stops making effort, women start with the “Would you like to meet up?” messages, the casual phone calls and the three super hot Instagram updates to catch his attention. But, he saw this coming a mile away.

Contrary to popular belief, fighting for love rarely gets you what you want. Focus on your own life, and if what you had is worth saving, he’ll realize that. If he doesn’t, then I would be so bold as to say, he might not be the man for you.


5 Signs Your ‘Almost’ Relationship Won’t Turn Into Something Serious

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Commitment-Phobe: 7 Signs He’s Terrified Of Being In A Relationship

There are two types of people: Those who love to date, and those who prefer to keep their options open.

The former loves the feeling of togetherness and can’t wait to walk down the aisle, buy an expensive cake and treat 200 people to dinner in order to cement their love.

The latter on the other hand, holds the belief that something better is always around the corner. These men seldom let any relationships get serious. They assume every girl they date will inevitably fall in love and want to marry them.

Ironically and rather annoyingly, many women are attracted to men with commitment issues (because let’s be honest, we always want what we can’t have).

The truth is, no matter how witty, sexy or incredibly good in bed you are, it’s unlikely you’ll ever cure him of his commitment-phobic ways. Not because it’s some incurable disease, but because these men are on a timer, which will go off when they’re ready to settle down.

Think of it like playing “pass the parcel” with 100 other girls. The music might stop on you, or it might not. All you can do is take part and hope for the best.

Instead of trying to seduce him into a relationship with you, it’s probably best you don’t invest all your emotions. Just assume if he gets over his fear of dating, he’ll let you know.

Of course, in order to do so, it’s best to know what you’re looking out for:

1. Sending mixed signals is his speciality.

Sometimes he likes you, other times he seems unaware you exist. Perhaps he’s playing it cool, he’s busy or it could be the mixed signals are just code for “he’s not that interested in you.”

It’s best not to take it too personally. After years of casual dating, he has probably mastered showing just the right amount of interest to keep you around.


2. Sex is his other speciality.

Of course he knows what he’s doing in the bedroom. He’s had a lot of practice, after all.

Most of his relationships revolve around sex.


3. He goes from hot to cold faster than your morning coffee.

He likes you. So every now and then, without meaning to, he acts like a boyfriend would.

Then, he remembers he’s not ready to commit yet, so he overcompensates by ignoring you for a few days.

All this is just so you get the wrong idea and fall in love with him.


4. All your dates are last minute, or spur of the moment.

If he remembers you at 10 pm on a Friday night, it’s because all of his better plans fell through.

Remember: A girlfriend is someone you plan adventures with. A girl you’re “casually seeing” is someone you fit around your other (more important) arrangements.


5. Most of your dates involve his bedroom.

Taking you on actual dates is a lot of effort for someone who really isn’t that committed.


6. You have never met his parents. In fact, you wonder if they exist.

His parents are off-limits.

There will be no cute Sunday dinners at his house, nor will there be afternoon cups of tea with his mom.

This is not because he’s afraid his parents might like you too much. It’s because he’s afraid you’ll read into this and assume he likes you more than he actually does.


7. The word “relationship” is not in his vocabulary.

Don’t bother asking where this is going. You’ll probably just scare him off.

If you’re wondering why you’ve never spoken about “where you stand” or “if you’re exclusive,” I assure you, it’s not because he’s waiting for you to bring it up. He’s avoiding the conversation like Martha Stewart avoids her taxes.

Just remember, life is not an Oasis song. You’re probably not going to be the one who saves him.

Sure, he might realize you’re different from every other girl he’s met before. He might decide to give up his anti-relationship beliefs and give monogamy a try. Or, he might waste two years of your life.

Really, there’s only one way to find out.

Commitment-Phobe: 7 Signs He’s Terrified Of Being In A Relationship

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7 Potential Explanations You Never Make It Past The First Date

If you are a serial dater who never gets much further than date one or two, we can probably come to a couple of conclusions:

1) You’re attractive and potentially clever enough to get asked out on a date in the first place;

2) somewhere between getting asked out and awkwardly arguing over who pays the bill, you did something to put your date off.

Don’t get me wrong; if you don’t get asked out on a second date, it could just be you’re out of this person’s league, he or she didn’t understand your incredibly witty repertoire, or this person had to vacate the country due to some sort of legal issue he or she chose to keep hidden from you.

Or, it could be something much simpler than that.

There is a chance that whatever initial attraction these dates had for you quickly disappeared due to something you did.

As unlikely as you might think this is, perhaps, it’s best to look at some options:

1. You’re Too Quick To Point Out Your Flaws

You are a classic self-deprecator. Whether you’re self-conscious about your weight, your car or your career, you’re quick to point out these so-called flaws to your date.

In turn, you make yourself seem insecure, which, in many cases, is the biggest put-off of all.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: There’s no woman sexier than the one who is comfortable in her own skin.


2. You’re Too Quick To Write Him Off

Car not nice enough? He lives with his parents? You noticed a girl commented a bit too enthusiastically on his latest profile picture?

Suddenly, you’ve lost interest, and instead of bringing your “A” game to the date, you’ve turned up with an “it was too late to cancel” attitude.


3. You Spend More Time On Your Phone Than On The Date

We get it; you love your iPhone. But, love it on your own time.

If you’re more interested in your Instagram news feed than your date, perhaps you should have stayed at home.

Being on your phone is just bad manners.

Plus, the worst part is, you’ll probably go home and tell your girlfriends the date was “fine,” but the conversation was “dry.”

It did not once occur to you that your constant phone-scrolling is what killed the night.


4. You’re A Classic Braggart

I’m sure your intentions are good. You’re smart, funny, cook and have a fabulous sense of style, and you just want him to know that.

But, sometimes, it’s good to hold things back and let him work it out for himself.

If he spent the entire date talking about his new Audi and how well-paid his job was, you’d probably write him off as arrogant, proving a bit of modesty can go a long way.

You noticed his car without him having to mention it three times, just like he probably noticed your Louboutins without you having to casually-not-so-casually bring them up in conversation.


5. You Mentioned Your Ex One Too Many Times

For the record, on a first date, any mention of your ex is too many mentions. Fair enough, your ex was a prick, but keep it to yourself.


6. You Went Out For Dinner But Didn’t Eat

Men like girls they can eat with, not girls who will watch them eat, while they push around a caesar salad and sip on tap water.

Whatever diet you’re on this month, allow yourself a cheat meal and eat some real food.


7. You Made It A Bit Too Obvious You Were Interested

Desperation is not hot, and when it comes to showing your interest, there is a fine line between flirty and freaky.

A casual “you look nice” is always appreciated on a first date.

He probably got a hair cut and ironed his jeans, and there’s nothing wrong with acknowledging that it paid off.

Just learn where to draw the line because a “you’re so hot” followed by a “I can’t believe you’re single” and “your body is amazing” will do more damage than good.

Lastly, there is the possibility that you’re just not right for each other.

Of course, the last option is you played the date flawlessly. You are just as fabulous as you think you are, but the two of you just aren’t right for each other.

Wrong time, wrong place, wrong guy. It’s not the end of the world.

7 Potential Explanations You Never Make It Past The First Date

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Do Less: 10 Annoying Couples Ruining Your Facebook News Feed Daily

It is a widely-accepted fact that the only thing more annoying than overly-affectionate couples in real life are overly-affectionate couples on Facebook.

These couples haunt your every online move.

They’re there during every lunchtime stalking session and they’re there during every casual evening scroll, confirming their unending love for each other, one annoying status at a time.

Though, to be clear, the statuses are just the tip of the very annoying Facebook-relationship-themed iceberg.

When it comes to Facebook couple faux pas, there are a few things that just need to stop:

1. Couples that make joint Facebook accounts

First of all, who gets custody of Facebook if the two of you break up? Second of all, whose birthday is June 17?

Or, should I assume you both share a birthday as well as a personality and a Facebook page?


2. The couple that really should just save that sh*t for text messages

Good night texts, I understand. The need to post goodnight messages on each other’s Facebook walls, I’m not so sure about.

You announce things through Facebook statuses that you could easily tell each other privately. “I had the best night ever with my baby.”

Um peer over to your phone for a moment; is that not him right there? Great, now say it to him and get off my newsfeed.


3. The over-sharers

You know everything from where their last date was, to what she wore to how they got there.

In fact, thanks to the array of pictures and statuses, you kind of feel like a third and very unwilling participant to their relationship.


4. The kissing selfie couples

The only thing harder than enduring these photos in my newsfeed is enduring the array of hashtags that come with them.

#Cute #Couple #InLove #MyBoyfriendIsSuchAHottie #LuckiestGirlInTheWorld


5. The couples that celebrates every “monthiversary” with a photo collage.

I don’t know why InstaCollage was created, but for the love of God, this can’t be it.

If you want to celebrate a monthly milestone of your relationship, please do so privately.

I am willing to hear about your anniversary once a year, which is the same courtesy I extend not only to other couples, but to my own relationships, too.


6. The wedding status whores

Great. Now I’m going to have to like this just so I don’t seem bitter.


7. The on-again-off-again couple

You’ve changed your relationship status more times than Justin Bieber’s been on “The Ellen DeGeneres Show.”

Yes, everyone argues, but the rest of us have the decency to at least try to hide it from the rest of the world.


8. The “I can’t believe I’m dating my best friend” couples

Because let me tell you, your actual best friend who just read that, (the one who held your hair while you vomited up your first tequila shot, and the very same one who helped you pick an outfit for your first date with this dude) is not impressed.


9. Couples that uses “bae” when referring to each other.

I want it to end.


10. Couples that comment on every single one of each other’s photos, in case anyone missed the fact they are a couple.

We get it; you are in love and you want to make sure any “single” people who come across your other half’s Facebook page know it.

When it comes to over-sharing couples on Facebook, if you’re single, it’s a little nauseating and if you’re in a relationship, they start to make you wonder if you’re coupling correctly.

The truth is, Facebook couples make us die a little inside because while we’re busy judging them, they’re too busy being too in love to even care.

Though, in all fairness, my issue isn’t so much their inability to go five minutes without clogging up my newsfeed with their love, but rather the fact we all know they’re not doing it for the benefit of their boyfriend or girlfriend, but for the benefit of everyone else.

Do Less: 10 Annoying Couples Ruining Your Facebook News Feed Daily

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10 Things We Wish We Could Say On A First Date But Can’t

They say first dates are like job interviews with cocktails, but would it really be so terrible if that were the case?

In a job interview, you can make your expectations of any candidates abundantly clear. You expect them to be punctual at all times and it’s okay to say so.

After you hire them, you put them on a three-month probationary period without any benefits until said trial period is completed.

When it comes to dating, you want all of the same things, only you can’t say them out loud without being judged.

If we could all just be honest about our expectations from the start, we’d save ourselves the time and effort of dating someone with whom we’re just not that compatible.

If everyone said exactly what they wanted on first dates, we’d probably avoid a hell of a lot of time and heartache down the line.

So, why can’t we just say the truth? Here are 10 first-dates sentiment we wish we had the balls to actually express:

1. “I kiss on a first date. If my tongue isn’t in your mouth by 1 am, it means I’m not interested.”

Saying this sure beats spending the next two weeks avoiding his requests for a second date and sending fake, “work is manic” texts, while you eat ice cream with your friends and give them the details of your incredibly awkward date.


2. “I’m probably never going to agree to a threesome. If you date me, that’s off the table, forever.”

Followed by, “In fact, while we’re on the topic of sex, you should know my boobs aren’t actually this big, I’m wearing a super padded bra, sorry.”


3. “We’re not having sex until our seventh date. Yes I will be counting.”

Roughly translated to, “If you’re only here for the good stuff, you better move along because this, right here, is a packaged deal.”


4. “From this moment on, we are exclusive. If you are dating other people, stop.”

Why is that so hard to say? Surely, if you’ve waxed your legs, put on matching underwear and attempted to eat your pizza with a knife and fork, you’ve made enough effort to warrant fidelity while you enjoy a string of biweekly dates.

In exchange, I’m sure that if he’s paying for your chicken parmesan and making an effort not to look directly at your cleavage (despite your purposely low-cut top), he’d appreciate it if you didn’t spend the other five nights of the week with your tongue in someone else’s mouth. I mean, that’s fair, right?


5. “If at any point in our relationship you decide to ask me how many men I’ve slept with, I will be forced to lie.”

Because there is honestly no right answer. Ultimately, your new man doesn’t want to imagine you with your old man (or men), so any number you offer won’t please him.

So, you decide to lie, blurt out a ridiculously low number, which you then proceed to forget and spend the rest of your relationship hoping to God the conversation never comes up again because two years later, you may not remember whatever fictionalized number you gave, but he sure will.


6. “At the end of this date, I’ll offer to pay half the bill. Be aware, it’s a test.”

While us ladies are more than capable of paying for our own mojitos, we’d rather not. At least not until date number two or three, anyway.

Despite our feeble mumblings about being “happy to split the bill,” the fact of the matter is, he should be kind enough to pay on a first date and in return, we will be gracious enough not to order the most expensive thing on the menu.


7. “My ex took two years to introduce me to his mom. That’s not going to fly this time around.”

If we could be honest about where our last relationships went wrong and use our previous grievances as cautionary tales to subsequent lovers, perhaps we could all stop history from repeating itself.

You can tell him that you expect to meet his family on or before your six-month anniversary and he can tell you he expects to spend every Friday night at the gym with his boys without you complaining about it. Just like that, you both know what to expect from each other.

But, alas, ranting about your last boyfriend to your potential future boyfriend is a pretty bad idea.


8. “Speaking of exes… yours isn’t a problem, is she?”

If you have a past, so does he. While your past may be enjoying the “Game of Thrones” box set you brought him, his ex might still be in the picture.

Is it acceptable to ask? Probably not. Do you even want him thinking about her on your first date? No. Is she fully aware that the two of you are out right now? Probably.

If you go to the toilet, will he check his phone only to find seven missed calls from her? You will never know.

Should you consider her competition? Dear God, you hope not.


9. “Do you think I’m as hot in real life as I am in my Instagram pics?”

If you have Instagram and your profile is not on private, he probably had an extensive pre-date scroll and has seen every one of the 172 photos you posted in the last year.

Instagram filters may be our friends when it comes to getting “likes,” but since you can’t walk around with a permanent Valencia filter on your face, there’s always the fear that when he reports back to his friends you’ll be described as “prettier in pictures.”

This is only made worse by the fact that you don’t even think you’re that photogenic in the first place.


10. “Wait… You are looking for a long-term girlfriend, right?”

Just because a boy takes you on a date doesn’t necessarily mean he wants a girlfriend.

But, since asking what his intentions are before you even finish your first meal together might scare him off, it’s best to just avoid the question and hope that your witty personality and dazzling smile are enough to make him eventually want to change his Facebook status to in a relationship (with you).

Admittedly, when it comes to first dates, what we want to say and what is socially acceptable don’t always correlate, but for the sake of romance (and self-preservation) maybe it is best we keep some things to ourselves. At the very least, until he starts to like you.

10 Things We Wish We Could Say On A First Date But Can’t

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9 Signs You’ve Become The Jealous Girlfriend Type You Used To Judge

Take a seemingly normal and sane woman and pair her with a player. It’s only a matter of time before she becomes a little unhinged.

The irony of this is that prior to said unhinging, other females, who sent 17 messages in a row to men they dated, were objects of formerly sane woman’s conversational ridicule.

The fact of the matter is, every girl makes fun of other clingy girls — until she becomes one.

When it comes to relationships, some men bring out the best in us, and others bring out the absolute worst.

Whilst I don’t like to place blame (as every relationship differs), I don’t think it’s entirely unfair to say that when a girl likes a guy who is sending mixed signals, it can often result in extreme and irrational female behavior.

Don’t know what I’m talking about? Let’s see if this rings a bell. Possible signs include:

1. Checking his WhatsApp more than 30 times a day to see if he’s online.

Let’s set the record straight: Just because you are dating someone and technology permits it does not mean you need to be in contact with each other every waking moment of the day.

If you both replied to each other’s texts instantaneously, you’d have very little time for anything else.

Despite what you may believe, if a man doesn’t reply to your text, his phone hasn’t spontaneously started to reject your messages.

He didn’t accidentally block your number and I’m pretty certain he didn’t “reply but forget to press send.” He got your text; he just can’t reply right now, or simply doesn’t want to.

Stop checking if he’s online, as it’s of no consequence whether or not he is. He will reply when he can talk.


2. You know every girl’s username who has ever commented on one of his Instagram pictures.

And, you stalk them on a regular basis.


3. You’re obsessed with which one of you has the “power” in the relationship.

You create imaginary plans on nights he wants to meet up so you’re not “too available,” and you take note, down to the minute, how long it takes for him to reply to your texts.

Then, you wait even longer to reply to his, so he doesn’t think he’s affecting you. After all, everyone knows the person who cares the least in a relationship is the one who has the power.

Whilst some girls think this is a dating norm, I think the “he took an hour to reply, so I’ll take an hour and ten minutes” is an unhealthy start to any relationship.

In the world of dating, there’s nothing wrong with replying when you’re free, not based around any schedule.


4.You find yourself casually driving past his house to see if he’s home.

Also known as level-one stalking. What do you intend to do if he sees you? Roll your window down and wave? I think not.

Reverse back into your drive and abort mission.


5. You regularly visit his friends’ Facebook walls for any incriminating evidence from their last night out.

You contemplate adding them, in order to gain greater access to his life outside of you.


6. Every time he takes his phone to the toilet with him, you’re convinced it’s because he has something to hide.

It doesn’t occur to you he may just want to scroll through his Instagram feed while on the toilet.

You make it your mission to manage some time alone with his phone so you can hunt for any incriminating evidence.


7. You’ve lied about an ex messaging you to make him jealous.

Because there’s nothing like a bit of jealousy to bring the spark back into the relationship.

There is, of course, a more logical side of you that knows this is wrong, but that side is easily silenced. You tell yourself you need proof he cares and using a little white lie to get it isn’t a big deal.

Not to play devil’s advocate, but it’s usually best to ignore the side of your brain that wants to use lies as a means of relationship progression.

It may start with a little fabrication about an ex, but where will it end? Probably with a false pregnancy scare and too many lies for you to keep track of.


8. You contemplate creating a fake Facebook profile of another woman with which to seduce him.

You know. Just to check and see if he’ll remain faithful.


9. You spend hours analyzing things he says and does with your friends.

If I’ve learned anything from relationships, it’s that when more than two people are involved, disasters ensue.

It’s impossible for your friends to give you unbiased opinions because more often than not, your account of his actions alone is one-sided.

Not to mention, your friends only see a tiny portion of your relationship, so any advice they give you should be taken with a grain of salt and not be considered gospel.

Nothing fuels irrational female behavior like out-of-context advice from other females.

Though, since we’re on the topic of advice, it won’t do any harm to mention that if your relationship causes this level of irate behavior, there’s a chance it may not be the right relationship for you.

9 Signs You’ve Become The Jealous Girlfriend Type You Used To Judge

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The 9 Bunny Boiler Moves Every Woman Makes When She’s Being Ignored

Nothing makes a women more mentally imbalanced than having to wait by her phone for a text. And the longer it takes to get a reply, the more irrational we seem to become.

The first port of call is always the ‘best friend’ who is on hand with logical advice which you totally intend on ignoring. “Maybe he’s busy, or at work. Maybe his phone ran out of battery, or he’s testing you to see if you’ll go nuts. Try not to think about it, he’ll text back soon”.

And you’re nodding like:

Jennifer Anniston Nodding

But then as soon as you’re left to your own devices, all that great advice somehow gets forgotten and you’re back to trying to come up with your own brilliant ideas for making him text back faster.

For the record, cross the following off your “maybe I should” list because trust me you shouldn’t. That is, unless you have been given any indication that this particular gentleman is slightly turned on by clingy and or desperate women.

1. Don’t Send Him 7 Increasingly Hysterical Texts Over 2 Days.
Crazy Girls Clingy GIF

Despite what you want to allow yourself to believe, his phone hasn’t spontaneously started to reject your messages. He didn’t accidentally block your number and I’m pretty certain he didn’t “reply but forget to press send”.

Whatever your logic, it’s wrong. He got your text, he just can’t reply right now, or simply doesn’t want to. Sending more texts is unlikely to help.

And for the record, re-sending the same message again is also pretty ridiculous. “Oh maybe he’ll think my phone just sent it twice accidentally”. Yes, maybe. Or, maybe he’ll think you’re insane.

2. Don’t Leave A Voice Mail
Awkward Gif phone call clingy

Cute voicemails are only cute when they aren’t preceded by three unanswered texts. If he’s ignoring you and you’re leaving adorable messages for him, you just seem a little desperate. And I was being nice when I said “a little”.

3. Do Not Get Your Friend To Call Him From Unknown Number
Mean Girls GIF

Classic girl move. After obsessing over the fact he hasn’t replied, you decide to put him through the “does he have his phone with him” test. Of course he’s with his phone! Is there anyone in this day and age who spends more than an hour apart from their beloved smart phone? Unless he was mugged (unlikely) he has his phone with him.

So if your plan is to call him from an unknown number, then act enraged when he picks up, I’m telling you, save those unlimited minutes and don’t bother. Whatever the reason for his silence, it is not that he is phone-less.

4. Don’t Drunk Dial
Closure Friends Rachel

Don’t call him after three glasses of wine to tell him what an idiot he is. You’re going for class and sophistication, not desperation and alcoholism.

By all means have your wine fest, go ahead and drunkenly bitch to your friends about what a “child” he’s being, but first put your phone somewhere, where drunk you can’t reach it. Sadly, “it wasn’t me, it was the vodka” is rarely accepted as an adequate excuse for drunk dialing.

5. DO NOT DO A DRIVE BY HIS HOUSE
Cher clueless oopst car drive

This move is also known as the “what the f*** is he doing, that he can’t stop for two seconds and text me back?”

First I must ask you, what possible difference could his location make to this situation? The beauty of mobile technology, is that it really doesn’t matter where the hell he is.

Secondly, what do you intend to do if he sees you? Roll your window down and wave? I think not… reverse back into your drive and abort mission.

6. Do Not Inbox Him On Facebook To Ask If He Got Your Texts
Phoebe Friends Stop The Madness Facebook

“Hey babe, did you get my text” roughly translates to “Hey babe, I’ve been sitting by my phone for 13 hours and if you don’t reply soon, I’m going to have an emotional meltdown and change my Facebook status to It’s Complicated“.

Don’t be that girl.

7. Don’t Try To “Casually” Bump Into Him
Barney Crazy Happenstance

What’s that? He tweeted that he was going to the pub and you just happened to bump into him there? This ones a total mystery, surely he’ll never put two and two together! That is, unless he didn’t have a partial lobotomy earlier that day.

8. Don’t Like All His Instagram Pictures While You Wait For A Reply
Britney hot

Pandering to his ego won’t help. Your 3 texts in a row already made it obvious that you like him. I promise you the issue is that you haven’t made your feelings clear enough.

9. Don’t Message His Friends To Ask Him To “Call You”
Call me

Because the only thing worse than him thinking you’re a bit clingy, is his friends thinking it too. Men who lack their own opinions, tend to just develop those of their friends. Plus, if he isn’t texting you, it’s unlikely his friends will take your side instead of his. When it comes to getting his boys involved… avoid avoid avoid.

I know you have images of them going back to him with a “why aren’t you texting her, she’s such a nice girl”. But guys don’t do that. The closest you’ll get is: “how did that chick you’re dating get my number?”

So now we’ve gone through what you can’t do, here’s what you can: Stop starring at your phone, stop checking to see if you’ve lost signal, stop asking your friends to text you to test if they’re coming through. Go out, enjoy your life.

I guarantee he’ll reply eventually, usually with a half baked excuse which you may or may not choose to believe, that parts totally up to you.

 


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The 8 D*ckheads Every Woman In Her 20’s Will Date

They say you have to kiss a few frogs before you actually meet prince charming, which in non Disney terms roughly translates to “you have to date a few twats before you meet Mr Right”.

For women, this tends to mean that your 20’s are filled with a lot of trial-and-error dating, which consists of one dead end relationship after another, until you finally meet someone who doesn’t make you want to turn to drinking and/or violence.

Until then, there is a whole array of d**kheads which we can work our way through, and let’s be honest, if you say you haven’t dated at least one of the following, you’d probably be lying:

The Fear Of Commitment Dude
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You know the one. This is the guy you date for a year who still won’t change his relationship status on Facebook, or so much as call you his girlfriend to his mates. He wants the perks of a relationship without the pressure of putting any sort of label on it. He doesn’t feel he has to text you every day, because he’s a “free spirit” and isn’t ready for all that serious stuff.

He will ultimately break up with you, because, despite the fact you’ve never so much as mentioned him meeting your parents, he’s inwardly paranoid that you’ve been organising your wedding since the moment you met.

The Patronizing 30 Year Old Dude
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Eventually, every 20 something girl will make the executive decision to date an older man. She’s worked her way through enough “boys” who don’t know how to treat her right and decided that she needs an older, more mature lover. Someone who can afford to take her on fabulous dates and isn’t afraid of discussing the future.

The trouble with “older” men is that you’re now considered the “immature” one in the relationship. They don’t understand why you need to go clubbing, wear short dresses or get drunk on Apple Sours and before you know it you’re the one deemed not serious enough.

The “I’m Not Ready For A Relationship” But Is Dating Someone Else 2 Weeks Later Dude

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There’s always one guy, who wants to “keep it casual” with you because of some half baked excuse or other. He’s just come out of a serious relationship or he’s focusing on his career right now (blah blah).

You date him because you’re fabulous and you’re sure that he’ll change his mind once he gets to know you. But, when true to form you fail to get him to commit you call it a day, usually on fairly good terms because lets face it, the boy already told you that he wasn’t ready for love.

It’s all fine. That is until one month later, you find out that Mr. I’m Not Ready is dating someone else.

The Overly Attached Dude
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Then there are the ones who want you a little bit too much.

I know how this sounds… one minute we’re moaning that men don’t want to settle down and the next minute we’re saying they’re too clingy. These poor fella’s just can’t win.

But any girl who has dated an “overly attached guy” knows exactly what I mean. You’ve been on two dates and he’s talking about the future, tries to introduce you to his mum and texts you every waking moment of the God damn day. He’s constantly telling you he misses you (even though he was with you 30 minutes ago) and despite the fact you don’t even know his surname yet, he’s acting like you are the love of his life.

The Can’t Kiss For S**t Dude
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It has been said that these creatures are the most deceptive of all, because on the outside they look just like me and you. Sexy, smart, clever, confident and witty. FINALLY a guy you can get on board with.

They drop you off at the end of your first date and lean in to make this good date even better.

Of course it’s only after he’s finished prodding your tonsils with his tongue that you work out how on earth this amazing catch is still single. At this point you ask yourself three questions: 1. Can I fix this 2. Is my lip bruised 3. I wonder if I change my number if he’ll get the hint.

The “I’m Not Like Other Guys” Dude
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Guys who claim they “aren’t like other guys” are the worst kind of guys. They are the ones who know they are d***heads and make a conscious effort to cover it up.

The Cheapskate Dude
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This is the classic “shall we go for a drive” guy. Because driving to McDonald’s for a milkshake and 6 nuggets is a hell of a lot cheaper than taking you to dinner.

If you agree to the drive you should know that date two will then be “do you want to come over for a movie” because why the hell should he pay £40 for cinema tickets and popcorn when he can download the damn thing for free and serve you those fancy chili crisps his mum brought last week.

The “Do You Really Need To Go Out With Your Friends” Dude
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The controlling guy. He’s always complaining about something or other because he likes to establish his dominance whenever and wherever possible. A dog wee’s on a tree to mark his territory. A controlling man pisses all over your parade to establish his.

Despite his other very wonderful qualities, eventually you know you’re going to ditch him, because frankly, no grown woman likes being told what to do. Except in the bedroom maybe.


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Smart Men Finally Admit They Prefer Dumb Women

Ever wonder why some women, despite being seemingly smart, sexy and well-educated find it near impossible to find, attract and keep a man?

Well one woman took it upon herself to find out where the hell they’re going wrong and it seems the answer to the time old dating conundrum is that, intelligence is not hot.

because we smart woman educated trouble dating gif

Jennifer Wright from thegloss.com interviewed seemingly smart men to find the answer to the time old question: do men prefer dumb girls and if so… why.

Well we read her findings, and here’s what we found:

Smart Men Love A Woman Who Has Time To Clean
Clean Sexy Maid Housewife Hot GIF

Men want women who have more flexible schedules and can prioritize… well, them. They want women who have time to clean (and cook) and can generally revolve their lives around his schedule.

Basically, smart women tend to be more career focused which means they don’t have as much time to “accommodate” each and every one of their mans needs.

Smart Men Think Dumb Girls Are More Vulnerable (Which Is Hot)
Mean girls africa white dumb girls smart funny gif

According to one gentleman, beneath these “ditsy vodka-and-cranberry drinking dame is an underlying vulnerability” which we can only suppose is a turn on for him. And as if that wasn’t offensive enough, another young man added: “If the women we date are dumb, then we have the upper hand in the relationship”.

Which means what? Men are turned on by weak and dainty women? And if we expect to bag ourselves a man we had better start pretending we can’t open our own ketchup bottles and need every film we watch together explaining to us?

Smart Men Think That “Dumb Chicks” Try Harder
Mean girls dumb girl flirting gif

One gent who was interviewed (John Carney) did find it important to remind us that “dumb chicks” (his words not mine) try harder to find a smart mate, in order to economically advance themselves. Whilst smart women are too busy trying to educate themselves and work their way up the career ladder.

I can only assume what he means, is that women who don’t have their own steady income are more likely to throw themselves at the first successful man they come across in order to secure themselves that lavish 5 bedroom house with the walk in wardrobe they’d always imagined.

And men like that.

Whereas career women, who may be able to buy themselves the house are deemed less attractive, purely because they’re less needy.

Smart Men Like Women Who Agree With Them
Yes agree gif women dumb

And i quote “if the women we date are dumb, then we have the upper hand in the relationship”.

What he didn’t add, but I’m sure was implied is that dumb women are also easier to fool, which is always handy when you’re a bit of a douche.

Smart Men Think Dumb Girls Are Pretty
Chandler Friends Thank God You're Pretty GIF

Another one added: “I’ve dated some dumb girls and it’s just because they were hot. That was it. Maybe dumb girls spend more time on their physical appearance”.

Basically implying that if you work 5 days a week, the chances are you don’t have time to also be waxed, shaved and plucked to perfection.

“Every guy wants the hot waitress because every other guy is going for the waitress”. Meaning what? That the only thing that really matters when it comes to dating, is that your chick is hotter than that other guys chick?

Not impressed gif glasses girl

But wait. Before you all rush to hide your CV’s, delete your impressive LinkedIn profile’s and try and convince the guy you like that, you don’t suffer from an off-putting case of “the smarts” there is a glimmer of hope.

His name is Matt Langer (also known as the only sane man who took part in this survey) and he would like to remind us that some men, namely him, “consider editors in chief of online women’s magazines to be far sexier than cocktail waitresses”. Phew.

Because let’s be honest no truly smart woman was ever going to dumb herself down for a man. And none of us are ready to make any till-death-do-us-part promises to any sort of battery operated devices either.

As for the rest of the men in the survey, well we think that for so called “smart men” they were saying some pretty stupid things. Because although intelligent women might be hard work in some respects, they also come with a whole lot of perks. They buy their own cars, they can hold a conversation with your mum and when their looks fade, you’re left with someone who actually understands your jokes… and believe me, one day that will matter.

The post Smart Men Finally Admit They Prefer Dumb Women appeared first on Xclusive Touch.

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Gen Y Dating: You, Him And The 5 Other Women He’s Sleeping With

Most women would say you should trust a man until he gives you a good reason not to. I say, never trust anybody 100% because we live among a generation of liars. Convincing ones at that.

Do all men cheat? No. In the same way that not all women are faithful. But the ones that do fool around are becoming more skilled than ever at it. Not because of any extra effort put in to cover up their in-discrepancies, but because they’ve become convincing at playing the part of the perfect boyfriend.

Don't you trust me gif men liars cheaters convincing

So why do men cheat? Men who more often than not claim to love their girlfriends. Who treat them well, buy them presents and tell them that they never want to break up?

And I’m not just talking about casual flings here, some of these men are having full blown second relationships. They move in with one girl whilst dating another. Tell one girl they love her, whilst agreeing to meet the other ones parents. And somehow fitting both (if not more) in for weekly dates/ hook ups.

But why?

1. Because he can
Barney Stinson How I Met Your Mother Gif Womaniser Cheat GIF

Men cheat because it’s easy and because they enjoy it. Why have one woman when you can have two or three. Not to mention that the age of technology has made it easier than ever before to stray and get get away with it.

They no longer have to venture out into public to talk to other girls, they can do it safely and privately from the comfort of their own bed, one Twitter and Facebook direct message at a time.

2. Because you’re no longer exciting to him
Couple in bed sex morning after foreplay sex cheating cheater boyfriend gif

Your relationship is no longer as exciting as it once was. You’ve given up the act of constantly smooth legs, perfect make up and you now roll your eyes at the jokes you used to fake laugh at.

This isn’t a criticism, it’s life. You grow closer and you get comfortable enough to be yourself. But unfortunately that closeness comes hand in hand with a loss of excitement, you’re no longer an exciting toy… you’re safe.

3. Because he doesn’t think you’ll ever find out.
filthy liar cheat gif

It has been said that it’s not cheating if you don’t get caught. By which logic, thousands of us, have never actually been cheated on. The truth is, if a guy cheats once and gets away with it… he gets cocky and believes he will continue to get away with it, again and again.

Not to mention that the more they stray, the better they become at hiding it. It starts with the very basic deleting all his text messages so you can never find any incriminating evidence, to the slightly more advanced having two numbers, because he suddenly needs a “business” line.

4. Because even if you did find out, he’s sure you wouldn’t believe it.
prove it cheating gif trust dating bitch

Classic female move: someone tells you straight that your boyfriend is cheating and you automatically think the bitch who broke it to you, is lying.

Of course she might be, but surely.. it’s worth a little investigation isn’t it? And we all know that when we want to, us women can investigate s**t better than the FBI.

5. Because if it came to it, he’s sure he’d be able to talk his way out of it.
Trust cheaters liars gif

Men are masters at excuses. You could see picture evidence of him with his tongue down another girls throat and he’ll convince you it’s someone else.

6. Because he doesn’t really trust you either.
Trust no bitch ever gif vinny jersey shore dating problems cheaters

Men who don’t trust their girlfriends are usually the first to cheat.

The ones who are constantly asking where you are, what you’re doing, who you’re with, who is texting you, not to mention constantly asking you if you’ve ever cheated on them. They’re the guys you need to look out for, because maybe just maybe his paranoia stems from the fact that he managed to lie to you so convincingly, that it occurs to him that maybe you have too.

7. And because a little part of him likes being bad
Winston so naughty club cheating cheaters

Being bad is exciting. The fear of getting caught, is exciting. Not to mention that some of these girls will do the freaky shit you’ve been saying no to for months.

So what do you do? Start to drive past his house late at night to see if he says he is where he says? Go through his phone? Hack into his Twitter to confront the bitch he’s been inboxing? Or do you trust and hope for the best?

Anyone will tell you that when it comes to dating, if you don’t have trust you don’t have anything. But trust doesn’t always guarantee fidelity.

The real issue is that most men who cheat are clued up on the classic cheating signs and aren’t so foolish as to display them. Don’t expect him to change his phone password, start placing his iPhone face down on the table and don’t expect every boys night out to end with him “staying at a mates”.

Don’t expect him to start taking you to some hole-in-the-wall of a Chinese restaurant where you’re unlikely to bump into anyone. And don’t wait for him to start picking fights. If it’s warning signs you’re waiting for then you’ll be waiting a while because he may just be smarter than that. Many of these men have become masters of hiding their bad behavior behind thoughtful presents and a smile.

So what to do? My advice: hope for the best but only ever trust even the nicest of men, no more than 95%.

The post Gen Y Dating: You, Him And The 5 Other Women He’s Sleeping With appeared first on Xclusive Touch.

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