The 8 D*ckheads Every Woman In Her 20’s Will Date

They say you have to kiss a few frogs before you actually meet prince charming, which in non Disney terms roughly translates to “you have to date a few twats before you meet Mr Right”.

For women, this tends to mean that your 20’s are filled with a lot of trial-and-error dating, which consists of one dead end relationship after another, until you finally meet someone who doesn’t make you want to turn to drinking and/or violence.

Until then, there is a whole array of d**kheads which we can work our way through, and let’s be honest, if you say you haven’t dated at least one of the following, you’d probably be lying:

The Fear Of Commitment Dude
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You know the one. This is the guy you date for a year who still won’t change his relationship status on Facebook, or so much as call you his girlfriend to his mates. He wants the perks of a relationship without the pressure of putting any sort of label on it. He doesn’t feel he has to text you every day, because he’s a “free spirit” and isn’t ready for all that serious stuff.

He will ultimately break up with you, because, despite the fact you’ve never so much as mentioned him meeting your parents, he’s inwardly paranoid that you’ve been organising your wedding since the moment you met.

The Patronizing 30 Year Old Dude
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Eventually, every 20 something girl will make the executive decision to date an older man. She’s worked her way through enough “boys” who don’t know how to treat her right and decided that she needs an older, more mature lover. Someone who can afford to take her on fabulous dates and isn’t afraid of discussing the future.

The trouble with “older” men is that you’re now considered the “immature” one in the relationship. They don’t understand why you need to go clubbing, wear short dresses or get drunk on Apple Sours and before you know it you’re the one deemed not serious enough.

The “I’m Not Ready For A Relationship” But Is Dating Someone Else 2 Weeks Later Dude

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There’s always one guy, who wants to “keep it casual” with you because of some half baked excuse or other. He’s just come out of a serious relationship or he’s focusing on his career right now (blah blah).

You date him because you’re fabulous and you’re sure that he’ll change his mind once he gets to know you. But, when true to form you fail to get him to commit you call it a day, usually on fairly good terms because lets face it, the boy already told you that he wasn’t ready for love.

It’s all fine. That is until one month later, you find out that Mr. I’m Not Ready is dating someone else.

The Overly Attached Dude
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Then there are the ones who want you a little bit too much.

I know how this sounds… one minute we’re moaning that men don’t want to settle down and the next minute we’re saying they’re too clingy. These poor fella’s just can’t win.

But any girl who has dated an “overly attached guy” knows exactly what I mean. You’ve been on two dates and he’s talking about the future, tries to introduce you to his mum and texts you every waking moment of the God damn day. He’s constantly telling you he misses you (even though he was with you 30 minutes ago) and despite the fact you don’t even know his surname yet, he’s acting like you are the love of his life.

The Can’t Kiss For S**t Dude
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It has been said that these creatures are the most deceptive of all, because on the outside they look just like me and you. Sexy, smart, clever, confident and witty. FINALLY a guy you can get on board with.

They drop you off at the end of your first date and lean in to make this good date even better.

Of course it’s only after he’s finished prodding your tonsils with his tongue that you work out how on earth this amazing catch is still single. At this point you ask yourself three questions: 1. Can I fix this 2. Is my lip bruised 3. I wonder if I change my number if he’ll get the hint.

The “I’m Not Like Other Guys” Dude
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Guys who claim they “aren’t like other guys” are the worst kind of guys. They are the ones who know they are d***heads and make a conscious effort to cover it up.

The Cheapskate Dude
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This is the classic “shall we go for a drive” guy. Because driving to McDonald’s for a milkshake and 6 nuggets is a hell of a lot cheaper than taking you to dinner.

If you agree to the drive you should know that date two will then be “do you want to come over for a movie” because why the hell should he pay £40 for cinema tickets and popcorn when he can download the damn thing for free and serve you those fancy chili crisps his mum brought last week.

The “Do You Really Need To Go Out With Your Friends” Dude
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The controlling guy. He’s always complaining about something or other because he likes to establish his dominance whenever and wherever possible. A dog wee’s on a tree to mark his territory. A controlling man pisses all over your parade to establish his.

Despite his other very wonderful qualities, eventually you know you’re going to ditch him, because frankly, no grown woman likes being told what to do. Except in the bedroom maybe.


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The 9 Ridiculously Annoying Things Single Girls Always Say To Their Friends In Relationships

The thing about dating someone, is that everyone has someone to say about it. Your family, your friends, even your Facebook acquaintances have an opinion on the matter and they’re damn sure going to share it with you. One way or another.

Don’t get me wrong, being in a relationship has its perks. But if Ross and Rachel have taught us anything it’s that relationships… can be hard.

One minute it’s all:
Ross Rachel Romance Gif Kissing Friends

And next thing you know it’s:
Ross We Were on a break phoebe rachel friends gif relationships

Then somewhere between contemplating why he’s yet to introduce you to his mum and wondering if you crazy kids are going to survive his Summer holiday to Marbella, you also have the added annoyance of your friends. Who are always so supportive during dates 1, 2 and 3 and then proceed to become subtle hecklers throughout the remainder of the relationship.

Don’t know what I’m talking about? Let’s see if any of these sound familiar:

1. “When’s the wedding”roll eyes gif

Somewhere between the three and seven month mark, the wedding jibes begin. “I can’t wait till you’re married” and “can I be your bridesmaid” as if the prospect of dating in your twenties without the deep and desperate desire for a bit of Tiffany bling on your finger is preposterous.

2. “OMG You’re going on holiday together? He’s definitely going to propose”
Emma Watson Smoking Stressing me Out gif

According to your friends: you’re going to dinner? He’s going to propose. You’re going on holiday? He’s going to propose. He pauses too long outside H.Samuel one day, he’s going to propose.

They’re probably just trying to prove to you that they’re cool as a cucumber about the fact you’re settling down and they’re still on Tinder. Not that that makes it any less annoying.

3. “You’ve changed”
Heidi The Hills Spencer Change People GIF

Dating someone is kind of a change.

You have to make some time in your already busy schedule to see another person. You sometimes have to make compromises about things you really don’t want to compromise on. And every now and then you have to pretend to be a little more angelic than you actually are.

But then leaving University changes you, getting a new job changes you even going on holiday changes you. Life is full of changes and everything would be a lot easier if everyone just accepted that change is not always a bad thing.

4. “What do you have to be miserable about? You have someone”
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Stressed about work? About the fact you have no money? About the fact you’re parents want to start charging you rent, which is preposterous because lets face it, if you could afford rent you’d have moved out by now.

Well you’re worries aren’t all that important, because at least you’re in love. Their worries are greater because on top of all the above, they have to worry about the fact the guy they went on a date with 3 days ago still hasn’t text.

5. “Why are you going gym… you HAVE a man, you don’t need to impress anyone”
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It is a common belief among the single that if you’re in a steady relationship you no longer have to shave, wax, worry about your weekly burger consumption or so much as put mascara on before venturing out the house.

A word to the wise, it’s that kind of thinking that gets you thrown back into the single pool. Go sort that bikini line out, he loves you, but that doesn’t mean he loves your excess hair.

Not to mention that implying you don’t need to go to the gym once you’re in a relationship, is like implying that you only need to be attractive to secure a man. And don’t even get me started about what I think of that.

6. “You don’t understand… you have someone”
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Your single friend goes on a bad date and proceeds to act like it’s the end of the world, so you do the only thing a best friend knows how to do. Tell her that he was a douche and that she’ll meet someone better soon.

If you were single she would appreciate your advice. But because you’re not you get verbally slapped with the “you don’t get it… you have someone”. As though the three consecutive years of singleness that preceded your relationship no longer count.

7. “But you saw him last weekend…”
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Erm, I don’t know if you’re aware but being in a relationship is kind of a weekly deal.

The real dating struggle is time management. Making time for your friends and your boyfriend and hoping to God no important events clash on the same Saturday night, because if they do you’re screwed one way or the other. Pick your friends and it’s “you’re always picking your friends over me”. Pick your boyfriend and it’s “but you were out with him last week”.

8. “Does he have any single friends… Maybe we should double date”
Robin how i met your mother double date gif humour fire

“OMG set me up”. Seems lovely in theory, you and your bestie, dating besties. In reality it probably won’t work out and you’ll have to deal with your friends hating his friends for the rest of your relationship.

9. “Girls in relationships never go out any more”
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Single girl logic:

If a single girl doesn’t go out because she’s broke… she hasn’t gone out because she’s broke. If a girl in a relationship doesn’t go our because she’s broke… she hasn’t gone out because she has a boyfriend.

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So in the single vs taken divide, let’s set the record straight. Being alone can sometimes be dull and sometimes be fabulous. Same goes with dating someone. So maybe the best thing to do, is not base happiness on whether you have someone or not, but on all the other things in life, which don’t evolve around a man.

The post The 9 Ridiculously Annoying Things Single Girls Always Say To Their Friends In Relationships appeared first on Xclusive Touch.

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